Roulette

This speaks to me on SO MANY levels.

How many times have you asked yourself how much further you’re willing to go?

I vividly remember asking God to please just take the desire of wanting to have children away from me. Take away the pain and the desperate need for starting a family. Anytime I tried to explain to others infertility- I often said “How many times would you put all your money on black (roulette) just to lose? Would you bet again?”

I often felt like I was playing the lottery. I was gambling on the chance to ‘win’ at what I wanted so badly. It was lonely. Draining. There weren’t any words to describe the heartache and pain that came with each disappointment and setback.

Yet, how many times did I reset- show back up with dignity and humility to try again? More than I can count. I have a friend that did it TEN times. IVF from the very beginning, TEN times. And on the tenth round, she got pregnant. He’s now 9 years old. 🌈❤️

#imnotcryingyouare